Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am full of burrito and curiosity
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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