I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
