Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I licked your asshole in confidence.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
