I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
