Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she looked like the before picture.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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