Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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