carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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