I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
