I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
