some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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