Soap is not a condiment
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
