he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
