Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
