i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
