My nipple is on Facebook.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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