How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
