Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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