I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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