I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
