I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
