I heard we made out
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
