herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Cover your peen. We're going out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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