Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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