Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
