it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
