it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
