Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
