Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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