PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
