WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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