I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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