i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
