soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
