why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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