the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
