i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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