yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is classic penis vs brain.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
