nut hugger
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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