yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
