Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
