he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
