Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
