At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
