I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
