I wish I only lived at night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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