Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
