dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
