I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
