This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
