There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
