She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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