why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
